Yesterday's Surgery

Yesterday's minor surgery to get the mole removed went pretty smoothly but ugh, I hope I never have to do that again! Even though you don't feel pain you feel everything else which totally grossed me out. Feeling of them cutting your skin with scissors, puling, tugging, sewing up for stitches and all.

I was all well until the end the doctor asked "Would you like to see your mole???" and before I had the chance to say NO he shoved a pair of pliers with my mole on the tip in my face and I almost passed out. Who does that! I had to sit in my car for about 5 minutes before my legs stopped feeling wobbly and I was ok to drive.

I was pretty pain free until he evening when I guess all the pain medication wore off. It stunk/burned pretty bad and I went to bed around 9:30 so I couldn't feel the pain. This morning feels ok so far. H was great at helping with A and did all the lifting and heavy work.

After lunch we went to Longwood Gardens because we have heard such good things about them. We went in on regular admission but since we liked it so much we got the annual pass for us. A was free because kids under 5 don't have to pay an admission so our pass was only $85 with an extra $10 discount they gave us! Total win. The weather was perfect and she loved playing in the fountains! Perfect place to cool down.

Some old business to update on, a few weeks ago S got me a MacBook and I asked him to return it. I loved it but I jus couldn't get used to the software. I guess I'm a Windows whore so we exchanged it for another Windows computer. Still took a bit to get used to Windows 8 but its nowhere near as hard as the MacBook. Also loving this computer because its touch screen! Its kind of like having a tablet + keyboard.

Getting ready to take another progesterone test this week. CD 17 lands on Friday so I am curious to see what the results say. Doctor claims that every woman ovulates 14 days BEFORE her period and I am pretty certain I ovulate CD 15 but hey, WHAT DO I KNOW! My cycles are only 24 days long so she believes I ovulate around CD 10. My temping chart looks crazy this month, it kind of makes me laugh at how inaccurate it is. Waking up several times at night with A totally messes it all up. I'm curious to see if there will be a spike at CD 15 though! Here is it, so you can see the mess I am talking about.

Updates, Updates, Updates!

Old Business:

1. Went to the dermatologist and thankfully it wasn't so bad! I got to keep my undies and bra on but boy did I have a lot of moles. There are 14 he said need to be watched and one he would like to remove. I'm going in on Monday to get it removed. I heard its not that bad and its on my breast so at least the scar will be hidden if there is any.

2. Went back to the OB and now she doesn't think I have a progesterone issue. My cycles are 24 days long and the test was taken on day 23. My results for that day were 2.9 which could simply mean that by then my progesterone levels have already dropped since I did get my period the next day. Now she would like me to have my progesterone retested on cycle day 17 this time instead of 23 and see what it says. That should confirm if I am ovulating or not. I think that falls on August 3rd or so. She said there is really no need for interventions yet since we have only been trying again for 3 months which I agree.

New Business:

Went blueberry picking with A again today. It was really fun especially since some of our friends came with us so we got to chat and catch up. On our way back I was driving home and I see a car just stopped dead in the lane with all its doors open. I was so confused and I look and there is an older man laying on the ground with a lawn mower next to him. I see two men leaning over him and I instantly know something isn't right. I pulled over and asked if someone had called 911 and somewhere a woman emerges with her phone and says she's just calling them now.

We were talking to him, fanning him but his eyes stayed glassed over and he wasn't moving. Thankfully he was still breathing and then his wife, also an elderly woman runs out and seeing her yell his name, saying to wake up and begging him to be ok broke my heart to pieces! I overheard her saying that he was 71 and he was such a sweet old man. About 5 minutes passed by of him not really responding and then he finally started to come to again. By then the ambulance was on its way.

 I had A in the car so I told them I was going to get going an I hope everything was ok. Driving back home was hard. I just kept picturing the fear in the wife's eyes and hearing her begging for him to be ok. It really puts things in perspective how tomorrow is such a gamble. Really makes you appreciate the simple things in life you have been given.

On another note, when we bought our furniture we got a protection plan for them. Well I have been fighting with this insurance company for 3 weeks now to have something covered and I am still fighting. If I don't hear back or get a resolution by Monday I'm filing a claim with the BBB. I don't have the time or the energy to do this. They were quick to take my money but not so quick to fulfill their promises. So frustrating!

Tomorrow Will Be Interesting

I cant believe tomorrow will be Monday already! Since S has off every Monday because of the government furlough's I try to schedule all my appointments on that day so I don't have to bring Annabelle. Tomorrow I have a dermatologist appointment at 10:30 and a OBGYN appointment at 3.

I asked some of my friends what to expect at my first appointment with the dermatologist since I have never been to one and they did not tell me what I was hoping to hear! One told me to be ready to get more personal with my dermatologist than my OB. I was told that they lift your boobs to check for moles and ask you to spread your cheeks to check. What?!?! I am not only mentally prepared for this but physically as well. Looks like I will be performing a top to bottom groom in the AM. I'm glad I asked!

Then in the afternoon I have my OB appointment to talk about our options regarding the ovulation issue. I hope we can get some more testing done to figure out what is going on and I also have to go to Quest to get some blood drawn for my regular physical I had done last week.

Needless to say, tomorrow is going to be a fun (sarcasm) day. Wish me luck!

I Must Be Insane

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

^Yep, thats me.

My mother hasn't been part of my life in a long, long time and the few times we do communicate its for Annabelle. I think I have seen her a total of 5 times since Annabelle was born and quite frankly I don't intend to change that any time. She has disappointed me plenty of times in my life and this never changes so why is it that every time I make an attempt to get in touch with her I expect something different? Because I'm insane!

Since I have been having all the hormone and ovulation issues I thought maybe I should give her a ring to see if maybe it could be a genetic thing. Her and I never talk let alone talk about personal stuff. I called her yesterday evening and she answered and I told her I have a question. I didn't tell her the whole truth but I told her that I got a physical and my hormone levels came back low and wanted to see if she ever had any issues that I may have inherited.

Well, guess what she told me? She told that she's out hanging out with her friends in Hoboken right now and she's too busy to talk but I should just get whatever I need to get fixed and call it a day. Helpful right? I would think that she would at least show some care to see if anything was wrong but no, of course not.

I don't even know why I was disappointed. I know how she is, I know she doesn't give a crap so why was I surprised? I really should learn my lesson that she's never going to gain the maternal gene. Ever!

Sigh...Am I Surprised?

Here is another update! I got a call back today at 9:55...at least I got a call back right? Well, not like it did much good because the tech told me that the doctor wants me to come in to discuss options. The doctor thinks that based on my test results I'm not ovulating.  This couldn't have been done yesterday??

Anyway, I scheduled an appointment for Monday. S will be home that day and I asked him to come with me. It would be nice for him to stay home and watch A but I feel like this will be a mutual decision for us so I think he should be there. Its also nice to have a second set of ears to listen and pop out questions as needed.

I really hope that the doctor wants to be proactive and actually find out WHY its happening instead of just throwing me on medication and calling it a day. Obviously I can carry a pregnancy and was able to get pregnant twice so its interesting why I would just stop ovulating.

I'm also thinking of getting a second opinion so if anyone has any recommendation's on doctors or any advice its appreciated.

Quick Update

Got my progesterone levels back and they are low. I only spoke to the tech because the doctor didnt have a chance to review my results yet but the level is at 2.9 but it would be more around 10-15. I was told to call back at 3pm if I dont hear back from them by then to see what steps we will take next.

Will update more when I hear back.

UPDATE: Am I surprised that the doctors office never called me back? Of course not. I think I called them at least 5 times after 3pm only to get in touch with the lab coordinator and for her to tell me that the doctor already left. Just when I had hope for this office they pull this. I guess she must have sensed how pissed I was so she told me how she's writing herself a note RIGHT NOW and will get back to me by 10am tomorrow, no later. How much does anyone want to bet I will never get a call?

Fingers, Toes and Everything Inbetween

Keep them all crossed! I had my progesterone test this morning and I hope everything is well. I should have the test results back some time tomorrow or the day after. Today is a busy day of running errands and getting the house clean since we have company tonight. My friend is coming over to stay with us for 5 days with her daughter that is a month younger than Annabelle. Should be fun!

Opening Up

Going through a miscarriage is a very painful thing for a woman. It makes you feel like you failed your child which is a mother's worse fear. Not only do you feel like your failed as a mother but also as a woman. One of the main things women are supposed to be able to do is carry a child and I wasn't able to do that. Not only was I not able to do it once, but it happened twice. Back to back.

When it happens once you think to yourself that this must have just been bad luck. Then you get pregnant again and think to yourself, what are the chances of it happening again! When it does happen again you really start questioning your body and what is going on. Is it me? Was it the baby? Was it the sperm?

I think up until now I wasn't comfortable talking about it because I didn't fully understand. In a way I was kind of embarrassed by it. I didn't want people to pity me and I didn't want people to feel sorry for me and I also feared that people may think that something is wrong with me. Everyone has defining moments in their life and this is one of mine. Starting to realize that experiences that are brought your way is what makes you you and not caring what other people think of you. I know I put too much emphasis on caring about what people think of me but in the end as long as I am true to myself thats all that matters.

I found myself being more and more comfortable talking about my losses. At first I didn't want to tell anyone. Nobody in our family knew we were even pregnant let alone know we had a miscarriage. Yesterday I decided to tell my mother in law. Oddly enough I felt more comfortable telling her than my own family. When I told her she also confided in me and told me she had 2 losses of her own. Its really amazing how many women go through this once you start talking about it. You feel like you are alone but you are definitely not.

I'm certain I wont be telling my own family any time soon though. Its not because I dont want them to know I just know how they get. They are so over dramatic about everything and telling them will just make them really annoying to deal with. I am much more comfortable talking to friends about it though and I am glad I have some other people to confide in.

Best.Husband.Ever!

I'm certain I have mentioned before how awesome my husband is right? Even though eats angel food cake like its cotton candy I cant help but love the man! Yesterday he gave me the ultimate surprise and got me a MacBook Air. I have been having issues with my computer being slow and freezing a lot and despite many efforts to try to fix it nothing helped. My birthday is coming up so he got me this new beauty!

I have used several Mac products before (iPad, iPhone) but never a Mac computer so its a little bit of a learning curve. I'm used to only using a Windows computer and the Mac is quite different! He even got me a case for it and keyboard cover so that A's sticky fingers cant damage it. Love it!

Hope everyone is planning on having a good weekend! We were supposed to have a quiet weekend but it turned into a bunch of stuff. Tomorrow we have a friend's birthday party for her son and on Sunday were going to a carnival! I cant wait to see how A likes rides and gets excited about all the lights. Looking forward to it! Then on Monday I have my progesterone test. Fingers crossed it all comes out well!

Also, I never shared my picture of A on 4th of July so here she is!

I Have a Confession...

Ramen Noodle is my guilt pleasure. So are those cup noodles, preferably shrimp flavor! The shrimps are literally the size of a pin head but I love them. As unhealthy as it is, its my perfect comfort food. We usually don't keep it in the house because we try to eat healthy BUT I have a stash.

When all the crazy storms were happening last year (Sandy) I prepared a box of non perishable foods and some of it included Ramen Noodles and those cups of noodles. Well, in the past few recent days I have been sneaking into the basement at lunch time and eating away! A is napping so she cant bug me for any and S cant yell at me for consuming so much sodium.

I am making one as we speak! Yummmm...

Dear Husband...

The angel food cake on our counter is not cotton candy. We do not rip off pieces of it to eat and leave the rest! Please cut yourself a piece and leave the rest so that when I go get myself a piece I'm not trying to cut mountains. Thank you.

Slacker!

I have been such a slacker keeping things up to date on here. This is exactly why I was hesitant about starting a blog but I will keep trying!

So, I will do some quick updates. After the first month of OPK's I found out that I was ovulating around CD 15 out of a 24 days cycle. This could be an issue because my luteal phase may not be long enough. I never heard about luteal phases until I did some research and talked to some friends who also dealt with fertility issues. Your luteal phase is the time from when you ovulate to the time you get your period. If its too short then the fertilized egg doesn't have enough time to attach therefore you get your period and there is no pregnancy. Ideally the luteal phase should be 12-14 days but mine is more around 9-10. Anything below 9 is considered too short and this can be caused by low progesterone.

My last period was very strange at first (TMI WARNING!) because I had some tissue discharge, almost like it was my period without the blood. I have never had that before but no positive HCG tests. Now that I have had some answers regarding my ovulation it makes total sense why I am not getting pregnant. I was totally missing ovulation!

I started OPK's this month as well and the same thing happened, positive OPK on CD15. I also started charting my temperature this month. Up until 2 days ago I was using a regular thermometer because I didn't have a BBT one. Now that I have one I think my first temp's were quite off so I likely wont have any clear data until next month. That is if they will even be right because from time to time I'm still up several times at night with A fussing.

I was trying to avoid calling my OB because last time I felt very brushed off but I did it anyway. I asked if I could request a progesterone test to see if maybe my levels were low. If they were, that would explain the m/c, short periods and short luteal phase. I'm waiting for a call back to see what the OB says (HA! as I was typing this sentence my OB called back and said she will give me the script and I will have to get it done between CD21 and CD23 which will be next Monday!)

That's pretty much all my updates for now. I did a really cool project last week that a lot of friends have been asking me to do a tutorial for. Now that my Etsy shop has slowed down a bit I will try to take the time to write it out. Hope everyone had a good  4th of July!!!