Its Been a While...

It’s been quite a while since I posted and I apologize for that. For some reason I'm finding it a bit hard to sometimes put it all out there even though I want to document my journey. I hope some of you who read this will learn a thing or two or just enjoy the experience.

A few posts ago I mentioned that I will get into the story of where we are in life so here it is. We have a wonderful daughter named A and when her 1st birthday came around we decided to try and conceive (TTC) a sibling for her. We were so excited to start the journey again even though if you were to ask me about having #2 when A was born I would have told you never again!

Thankfully we got pregnant right away and I got a positive test at the beginning of December. We were super excited but unfortunately that came to an end December 19th when I started to bleed. Doctor's confirmed I was having a miscarriage (M/C) and that was the end of that. It was hard but not as hard as I anticipated. I took the m/c very scientifically and just kept telling myself that its better now than later if something wasn’t right. There were times when I was very ok and times when I broke down. It was such a roller coaster of emotions.

I was finally finished m/c naturally December 26th (yay Christmas) and the question's of "When are you going to try for #2" from friend's and family were extra painful since we didn’t tell anyone. Went back to the doctor a few days later and he gave me the ok to TTC again whenever. I thought that was a bit quick from what I have read but naturally we wanted to be pregnant again asap so we tried again. Before I knew it, I got yet another positive test at the end of January.

I think I was more excited this time around than I was the first time. I thought to myself, what are the chances of it happening twice! I got pretty comfortable with that idea and even told a few friends. I was happy, I was excited until Feb 8th came along and I started bleeding again. At first it started with a little brown spotting and I thought it was normal since I had the same with A. The next day it got red and I just knew.

I went to the ER even thought I knew there was nothing they can do for me. Again, they told me what I already knew. This time around I think I took it a bit harder. I didn’t really tell my friends about the m/c again until a few days later when I was finally comfortable with the idea. It sucks to have a m/c once but it sucks 5x worse having one after another. Even though I'm not religious I just kept telling myself that at least now my first angel has someone to be with.

I switched doctors because I didn’t feel comfortable with the advice I was given. After telling the doctor what has happened she advised me that this time around I should give it 2-3 months before we ttc again. She said that because I got pregnant so fast after the first m/c that my body simply wasn’t ready to carry a healthy pregnancy just yet. When having a m/c your body sheds all the lining in the uterus and the lining wasn’t strong enough to carry just yet.

Fast forward to now and here we are, ttc yet again. This is our first cycle and I promised myself I won’t test until after our cruise. Even though I felt that the m/c didn’t affect me that much, they did. First time around I was excited about ttc again and looking forward to being pregnant. Now I just want to get through it and be at 12 weeks. Wish us luck, I hope this will be it!

So, there it is, our story so far. Getting it off my chest has helped a bit and I hope to be able to document the rest of our journey. Stay with me!